27.

This week marked my 27th birthday. I love celebrations; birthdays, anniversaries, important dates, passages of time. These markers remind us of why we are alive and pays honor to each season of life, be it easy breezy, or difficult and trying. The past year of my life has been one speckled with grief and unmet expectations. I remember April 23, 2009 as one of the worst days of my life. But as that day has gotten further and further away from today, I am able to focus on life after Asher's birth and fearful beginnings. And his life, his personality, his smile -- quite the opposite of the way in which he entered this world.


Have you ever had an event that you expected to be something it was not? Be it a conversation with a friend that fell short, a special event that went forgotten, an event that flew by too quickly. I think the birth of a child is one of those events that we put so much stock in and dream up the way it will occur long before it takes place, at least I did. And when I got that phone call from my doctor where she said, "go home, pack your bag, and come to the hospital," nearly 4 weeks before my due date, I clung to the hope that everything would be ok. The month was April, and in Chicago that can mean any number of things weather-wise. It was a Tuesday when I got that call, and the upcoming weekend called for warm weather and sunny days. My doctor said, "Just think, this weekend you can be out on the porch holding your baby." That image stayed with me, and it was one that came to fruition nearly 2 months later.

As you know, Asher was born via cesarean section nearly 2 days after my induction started. No skin-to-skin contact, no breast feeding, no quiet and tender moments with our new family member. He was whisked away from my belly and hooked up to tubes and monitors. He was not held until nearly 24-hours later. We did not know what was going on, and truly did not have the understanding to ask the questions that needed to be asked. Our family members were fearful and confused, we were in a blur.

On Asher's 3rd day, he was transferred to a NICU at a leading Chicago children's hospital. I was recovering from my c-section, barley able to walk, and carting breastmilk with me to the hospital to ensure that he was getting my milk -- that was all I could do at that point. I was depressed, devastated, and confused. This was not the way I had dreamed it would go.

Fast forward nearly a month; Asher comes home. It was a beautiful day. Will's family was there to celebrate with us and we all felt a sense of God's graciousness to finally have Asher in his home with his family. The road ahead us was long and we were still in for the biggest blow of all, but he was home, and he was ours, and he was beautiful.

Unmet expectations. Exceeded expectations. I could write forever on the things I have learned and am learning, but the foundation in which my hope lies is simply this; (Psalm 23:4-6)

"Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.
You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies;
you anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me
all the days of my life,
and I shall dwell in the house of the Lord
forever."

and...

Ephesians 3:20:
"Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us,to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever."

***
Now, fast forward over 8 months after that life changing day in April. My precious son is almost 18-lbs, over 25-inches long, rolling, giggling, babbling, hating squash and loving bananas. I am learning again and again to put my hope in CHRIST, and fore go unrealistic expectations on those around me. I am daily thankful for the amazing community God has given us. I can step back from the bad days and see the good days. I am blessed beyond measure and thankful for life, just as it is.